Parenting
Tips
Any
"pointers" about discipline?
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"Discipline is the slow, bit by bit, time consuming task of helping children to see the sense in acting in a certain way."
Dr. James Hymes "As parents and teachers of young children we have been given the privilege of 'rubbing young children smooth.' We don’t have to use a harsh sandpaper, a gentle polishing with a soft cloth will achieve better results." Dr. Grace L. Mitchell |
Living and learning with children is an ever changing growth experience. It is a daily challenge and a continuing education in the skills of human relationships. Children's behavior is their second language and if we try to listen to what our children are telling us through their behavior, we can learn from them.
You may want to try a few of these suggestions and see if they may open some new paths to help you enjoy living and learning with your children.
We tend to communicate with our children either in a positive or negative manner and speaking negatively is always the easiest. We say "No" without even thinking. Saying, "Yes" always takes more thought. If we want to "gently polish" to get the results that we want, it is important to balance negative words with positive ones. It helps to think about it as though walking a thin line or staying in the middle of the road rather than going to either extreme.
When you ask a parent of a pre-school child what is their biggest complaint, they will usually answer, "getting my child to behave." Try thinking of poor behavior as "inappropriate" behavior. The two extreme ways of dealing with pre-school behavior are:
Ignoring the behavior and thinking it will go away, and
Not allowing your child to have any negative feelings about themselves.
First, think about how much "inappropriate" behavior is developmentally appropriate. Adults behave "inappropriately", also. We think mean thoughts, get angry at store clerks, get angry at ourselves, gossip, and get angry at objects, like computers and the car. But we are adults. We usually learn to handle anger in socially acceptable ways. Children are still learning and it takes time. Try to avoid the "You can’t" and give a "You can" choice each time. Over and over. It makes sense to us if we say, "Don’t hit the baby" that we mean now and forever. However, to a child it means, "Don’t hit the baby, now." A child does not know that he has to remember the rule every day. His idea of forever is limited.