Parenting Tips

  Help!  At what age should I start toilet training?  How should I go about teaching my children?

   In today's fast-paced society, many parents want to toilet train their children as early as possible.  

  Often, parents feel pressure to hurry their children along. "Not toilet trained yet? A grandparent says in disbelief. "Why, when you were that age…….."   "My child was potty trained at 18 months old," says a friend.

  Actually, the idea of "training" children to use the toilet is misleading, because children learn when they are ready. Attempts to speed up a child's biological clock or force a child to sit on a potty-chair can be frustrating for both the child and the adult.

  What is readiness? Children are ready to learn to use the toilet by themselves when they show three signs:

Physical maturity: As infants, children urinate 12 or more times a day. But as they grow, the bladder size increases, and they urinate less often. They gradually gain control over their sphincter muscles that hold and release urine and feces. The child must also be able to walk, sit up, remove and pull on clothing.

Mental readiness: The child is familiar with the toilet, understands what is expected, can interpret the body's signals for needing to urinate and defecate, and can express his or her needs in words or gestures.

Interest: The child shows interest in toileting. Some children will indicate discomfort with a soiled diapered and come to you quickly for changing. Some children are not ready until much later, up to 36 months in some cases. Until a child shows all three signs of readiness, your best course of action is to relax and wait.

Set a positive environment

  Children do not develop readiness overnight. They need time to learn about their bodies and toileting in a natural way, along with learning to walk and dress and feed themselves.

  When your child sees you or other family members sitting on the toilet, explain what is happening in a matter-of-fact way.

  In playing with dolls, children will "change the baby's diaper." You might use the opportunity to sit the doll on a pretend toilet, explaining that "the baby is going pee-pee in the potty."

  Toilets and their flushing action are often fascinating - sometimes frightening - to toddlers. Under your supervision, allow the child to drop bits of toilet tissue into the toilet and press the handle to flush. (Avoid any reference to the child going down the hole.)

  Find picture books about toileting and read them to your child.

What to do

  If your child is in child care and you think your child is ready to begin toilet training, talk with your caregiver. Both of you must handle toileting the same way.

  Dress your child in easy-to-remove clothing, such as pants with an elastic waistband. Provide plenty of clothing changes in case of accidents.

  Use cloth-training pants. Paper training pants (pull-ups) are diapers to a child, regardless of how they are put on.

  Check the bathroom to make sure your child can get to the toilet easily. Provide a sturdy step stool so you child can climb up to the toilet. Place toilet paper within easy reach.

  Don't shame or scold your child for accidents. Expect the child to have many accidents before success.

  When your child succeeds, express approval.

  If your child fiercely resists the toilet or has many accidents switch back to diapers until he is ready to try again.

Offer encouragement and help

  Most children younger than age 3 will have trouble staying dry all night and need to wear diapers to bed. Naptime however, is usually less of a problem.

  Even when all is going well, children will sometimes get too distracted to remember to go to the toilet on their own. If so, offer a gentle reminder. Give plenty of support and encouragement.

  As toddlers, children are struggling with self-control. They are experimenting with independence, while still depending on adults for basic needs. The goal is to provide them with a positive environment for natural and self-motivated learning.